ANCEL 2024 EXHIBITION

The emptiness of suffering

Letters from the Elderly and the SickNo. 26, Christmas 1983

P. Ancel When God forms his disciples, through their lives, suffering has its role, and so does everything else.
I don't think we will ever be able to understand the extent to which Christ Jesus, when he has chosen someone to be his disciple, will take care of them, to train them to do what he wants them to do.
When we talk about training, we always more or less have a certain plan in mind. We want to train someone to do something. When it comes to a disciple of Christ, of course, Jesus wants to train someone to do something, but not in the usual way. It's not primarily a question of competence, it's a transmission. Jesus is the Word of God. Jesus is the Life of God, and so when he prepares someone, it's always with that in mind, to pass on a life.
A life is always relative to a being, it is always relative to the way in which that being will act. So when Jesus takes us on to make disciples of us, he must first take us out of ourselves, so that it's no longer us, but him.
There is always an element of negativity in Jesus' formation. It's not with what we know that Jesus is going to form us. And I see this particularly in relation to suffering. It's not with a beautiful theory on suffering that Jesus will train us to teach others to suffer. Jesus begins by demolishing us, by taking away our theories, so that we no longer know anything, and then he intervenes. It's a contrast between what we think we know and what we don't know. It's a stripping away. I don't think discipleship is possible without stripping things away.
What does it strip us of? As much as he can, of everything. He doesn't want it to be us any more, he wants it to be him. So there's a period of emptiness. We don't know, we don't know what we're doing, we don't know what we're called to do.
So, given what I've just said, there's only one way to prepare yourself to train others to suffer, and that's to agree to let yourself be stripped completely, and then he'll do it.
And how will he do that? I think the first thing he'll show us is the emptiness of suffering. It doesn't pay off, it's not interesting in any way, it's empty. To suffer is to feel destroyed, to feel that you can do nothing more. It's feeling like a pauper. 

Basically, training in suffering means training in poverty, and to do that you need to have at least some inkling of the richness of poverty. What's the point of suffering? It serves no purpose. Poverty serves no purpose. And through this nothing, something passes. Not something, but someone, God.
We have too many ideas about God. Saint Paul believed only in Jesus Christ and in Jesus Christ crucified. There was nothing, and that was his wealth.
I feel like I'm babbling, and yet that's what suffering is. Being empty. Not knowing what you're doing, not knowing where you're going, but being available, being available to the one who is inaugurating the Kingdom of Heaven. So that's absurd too, it makes no sense, and yet it's true, it's true.

When we no longer know what we're doing, when we no longer know what it's for, and when we're still available, then God can use us, he can use us in his own way. I don't know how to explain suffering. Saint Paul spoke of the folly of the Cross and yet it is the wisdom of God. So it asks us to accept being empty, it asks us to accept not being able to do anything. It asks us to let ourselves be totally made, knowing that God makes do with nothing.

And what does it do? We can't explain it, but it does.
And when he trains people to suffer, he trains them for real. How does he do that? I don't know how. In what way? I don't know what. But he shapes them for real.
And that's why suffering is so close to poverty. Inability, nothingness: we are approaching adoration. God is everything; we are nothing, and he does everything.
Everything I say can be absurd; I don't even know how to explain it well. If I were asked to repeat what I'm saying, I wouldn't be able to, but for me, suffering, adoration, God, poverty, they all fit together. And then effectiveness, but effectiveness, not at all in the usual sense of the word: effectiveness, in the sense that God does with someone, and in someone what he wants to do, and often, we don't know anything about it.

François If you could go back in time to 40 or 50 years ago, what would you take away from this very powerful experience?

Father Ancel nothing. I couldn't understand what I'm explaining now, nor could I do it, because suffering is God's work. So we can talk, but we don't really know what we're saying. We can talk. Some may find something in it, others nothing. I don't know. I just don't know.

François What you've just said is a bit of a response: for me, suffering, poverty, self-denial, God, adoration, there's a correspondence. I think that's also true at times in our lives when we're less bothered by suffering.

Father Ancel : Yes, I think that's true, but only on condition that we let ourselves be led by it, because in the end, all that can be said about suffering is nothing. The important thing is to allow yourself to be affected by it, and that's what's so terrible: you don't understand anything about it, you don't understand anything at all. There's a kind of absurdity to suffering, to the madness of the cross. So we don't even dare talk about it, it seems absurd. However, we feel that there is a richness that is even a light.
It's absurd, what I'm saying... When I started talking, I had no idea what I was going to say. It just came out, I was going to say, stupidly. But it doesn't matter. I'm under no illusions: in what I'm saying, there's nonsense, there's vanity, there's everything and even God, you have to accept it. And finally, the big word when it comes to suffering is "yes": accept.
Suffering is so rich. It can't be accepted in detail. You have to give yourself up. And we never give ourselves up completely, because we don't want to. You're afraid to. Suffering is terrible. It's terrible, The Cross, and yet you feel it's necessary.
There's one more thing I'd like to say. There is one thing that we would like to receive in suffering, and that I have not received. But I want it with all my heart. It is Easter joy, a joy that no one can take away from us.

Father Ancel : I can't explain it, but I feel that it exists.

François : It's perfect joy.

Father Ancel : So I think there's only one thing to do, and that's ask for it. You have to ask for it. I don't know if we'll get it, but ask for it. Ask for Easter joy.

François : It's a bit like the perfect joy of Saint-François.

Father Ancel : I think there is some of that. I don't know if he was able to express it the way he felt. But that's it, it's in this line, in a line of absurdity, in a line of richness, in a line of poverty. I don't know. And as we say: I don't know, we come closer to adoration, and adoration is the joy of worshippers in spirit and in truth. Suffering is so rich! But I'll stop here, because I really can't take it any more. I'd like you to read me the Beatitudes...

François Matthew 5: Seeing the crowds, Jesus went up the mountain. He sat down, and his disciples came to him. And he began to teach them, saying:
Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven...

Father Ancel he told everyone...

François :
Blessed are the meek,
For they will inherit the Earth.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for justice.
for they shall be satisfied
Blessed are the merciful,
for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure of heart,
for they will see God.

Father Ancel See God. See God ! Show us your face and we shall be saved...
To see God, to see only God, in himself, as Jesus saw him on the mountain. In the works of God, looking at the flowers of the field... In all men, since each one was made in the image of God. To see God... to see only God. To do that, we need to be pure, and that's a gift from God. Don't worry. God's gifts are gifts: they are not deserved. Thank you in advance... I don't know what you'll give us. I know that you are good. Blessed are the pure, for they shall see God...

François :
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for the sake of justice,
for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.
Blessed are you if they insult you, if they persecute you, if they slander you in any way for my sake: be glad and rejoice, for your reward will be great in Heaven. This is how the prophets of old were persecuted.

Father Ancel It's beautiful! You can't understand anything, but you feel there's an incredible richness... When you speak, you're always afraid you're putting on an act... It's true, because he's the one who said it...
Yes, you are wonderful, our God, you are beautiful, the most beautiful of all the children of men, you are the beauty of holiness, you are the splendour, the joy of God.
Sorry, I'm babbling. And yet I'd like to love you, even if I've never known how. Who knows if there's a month for that desire? I'd like to love you, I'd like you never to be offended. I would like people to care only about you, your beauty, your greatness, about you.

Letters from the Elderly and the Sick, No. 26, Christmas 1983